Feeling betrayed... this may sound very pessimistic. Although, if one looks from another perspective, this can be a very special mercy of the Lord. By placing someone in such a situation He gives the person opportunity to relate to such an experience, and to understand what He actually feels when we neglect Him. This is Lord's special kindness that He finds patience and time to educate us, that we would be able to understand Him, to connect and reciprocate on the personal level. If He wouldn’t care, we would continue our endless cycle. But Krishna wants to bring us closer, even through the pain. Imagine what a difficult decision for Him to throw us in this seemingly hellish situation, but if we have a trust, and a connection, we would be able to understand, and be thankful for this.
World around us can be seen in different ways.
One of them, let’s say, is to accept it as it seems to be, as circumstances where we are put in to live our life happily and then eventually die, leaving some vague memories in the people’s minds, good or bad - it doesn’t really matter :)
And still another is to look at it as placed around us for a certain purpose, with a certain intention. Maybe if it is done on a sole and plane purpose to test our patience? to test our capacity of resisting the challenges, be it good or bad. Endure without losing tenderness… To endure, to keep calm, since overreacting on the push of the sense objects brings us under their control. Very simple: this interactions bring us out of our state of harmony and divine connection, and we are dropped into the pool of unpredictable events, and we are left totally dependent on their course of action. No matter if it is pleasurable or unpleasurable, it is all about to disconnect us. Test? Or maybe Krishna is tasting us? our degree of sweetness, if we can say like this? The more dependence on Him, the sweeter it becomes. Yes, ultimately it is not really a learning process, we are already there: right here, ring now, in front of Him. No jokes. And if we see Him behind the screen or not, this is totally up to us. Question of faith, of faithfulness. So our internal peace and happiness shall depend solely on His pleasure. If we choose to nourish ourselves from the higher sources, but are still in the material world, we may end up in starvation, the risk is high like anything. Who can guarantee that this connection is sustainable? No guarantee!!! Jumping from the cliff, with eyes closed out of fear, hoping the wings will not give up?.. Someone is crying out of pain. What is your first instinct? Rush, help, heal! Or? Listen to the inner voice for a second. Ask for advice. That’s what doctors do. Seen it with my own eyes. Someone may blame you for inadequacy. But is it so? What can little me do if everything is in the Lord’s hands. He reassures, He promises. Do we trust, in the critical moment? Often times not. And why? - we lost the mercy. Here we go. We hurt Him, at one point or another. Betrayed our most beloved. So be it, He says. It is not that He is indifferent, oh no! He notices every single movement of our soul and reciprocates. He tries hard to keep calm, but He is hurt. Where, what? figure it out, urgently, immediately, there is no more important business than that! Is it not too late??? Maybe He still can change His mind and smile at us, and help, and heal, us and the other one, and the other, and the whole world. Don’t miss your chance, please don’t! You will regret fervently! It may sound almost impossible, as we are still so far!!! But gradually, moment by moment, step by step. Keep faith. Keep your tenderness.
Thinking again about the shoes… they are so important to protect us from the harsh roads, and still, we need them also to have the grip to the path, which can be slippery too. Same way, we are given our senses to relate to the environment where we are living now. Always gliding, without a grip, we cannot go anywhere! To be able to function properly, we need interaction with the world around, and we are now in this world which is called the gross reality, and in the gross reality we have to have the gross senses. We need really tough boots, isn’t it? :) but as the time progresses, we begin to perceive the more subtle world, and the senses also become more subtle and sublime, so we are able to relate to the new surrounding and gradually it becomes our solid reality, so much so that the previous and gross one is becoming irrelevant (as it is subsequent to the subtle one) and winter shoes - unnecessary :) maybe, sometimes… or if the winter comes back!
Whenever we consider travel, we always have to look for a pair of the very solid shoes... This is a very important thing that I learned from the recent Hari's lecture.
The roads may be hard, but we need to reach our destination without harm. Therefore, we have to be prepared… We have to have protection we can rely on, as we may face so many challenges, being on our own. And what I find is good for me, I was reflecting? My shoes have to be especially strong, as things for me so often go wrong…
There are two things that help me often in the time of challenges: this is intuition, and the common sense. The funny combination! So, here I am today, on the road, and want to share with you my experiences.
Coming out of our comfort zone, we face different winds, and mostly this is the winds of minds and conceptions. So, recently I was blown by a wind of a Christian conception while dealing with some people from an elderly generation, and I let it carry me for a while to be able to feel the breath and flavor of the wind. And it is beautiful. The mind setup of the believe is based on mood of love, the love of Father and the Son, and even more than that, the love of Mother. Selfless, caring, and desperate sometimes, this love is one of the basic things that moves us forward. Vatsalya bhav… Who reached it, have a very firm faith in God, and have relationships, and His protection, as so many instances of saints have been shown to us, and are still happening – a recent narration about one saint carried me on this wave, very far from this daily world, bringing new realizations.
So, as the mercy of the Lord is unlimited, He gives us unlimited opportunities for realizations, although, often times distracted, we don’t see them. But He keeps on sending us the letters, written in different ways, and in different languages. He learns our languages too, and sends us hints that we can understand Him, if we just desire to… So did Lord Jagannath so many years ago, now I understand what He has meant as He was giving hints that time very clearly… And that is His supreme mercy – to be present in every thing of this world in a form of His most sublime consciousness. And here Lord Caitanya is our most precious guide – as we remember what he said. And what He meant? That name of the Lord will be heard in every corner of the world is not to simply save the fallen souls. It is a statement that every corner of the world, no matter how far, in its every aspect, no matter how big or small, every soul, no matter how defined, is a property of God, and is meant to be offered to Him, as an offering of Love. Radharani’s bhav is so profound that this whole world is an expansion of it, to show the extend of Her Love. The world seems to be separated from God, but this is only meant to be so to feel the pain of separation, to reveal the deepest feelings which cannot be revealed in union. It is created out of Love, as there is nothing else than that…
So where am I on this road of spiritual adventure? I cannot say exactly, but I can say for sure that I am still on this road, and many saints are here too, so probably I may not be lost :) Most likely not, since I met here the most special saint who gives me now freedom to express myself in a flow of consciousness, writing these realizations, here on these pages…